It's been quite some time since i blogged (:
nothing much
OH GOD saw alice aunt when i was holding the cig
Thank God i saw her first
but kinda scare if she saw me
This sat will be going to casandra aunt place
cause her baby is 1mth old!
GOD! i'm people's "uncle" already
How old can i be

Today went SSDC alone
renewed my PDL
going for bike practical tomorrow (:

Sat i wanna go Practical 7 but
lucky i remember sat i have something on
phew lucky me never booked..
-.- damn

brough books for final theory
this time round i gotta pass!!

sigh
kinda regret
had my bones all become like that
nothing can heal
scars can be healed
but what bout my damn bone
the finger is like damn digusting
the leg bone pop out
cant sit like how i used to be
cause very pain
SAD
damn sad
~>.<~
tears just rolled down
whenever i think bout these...

never thought that I'd fall in love, love, love, love
But it grew from a simple crush, crush, crush, crush
Being without you girl, I was all messed up, up, up, up
When you walked out, said that you'd had enough-nough-nough-nough
­
Been a fool, girl I know
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time, you'll change your mind
Now looking back i wish i could rewind
­
Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more
Oh i stay up til you're next to me
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
­
Remember telling my boys that I'd never fall in love, love, love, love
You used to think I'd never find a girl I could trust, trust, trust, trust
And then you walked into my life and it was all about us, us, us, us
But now I'm sitting here thinking I messed the whole thing up, up, up, up
­
Been a fool (fool), girl I know (know)
Didn't expect this is how things would go
Maybe in time (time), you'll change your mind (mind)
Now looking back i wish i could rewind
­
Because i can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before (Because it)
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah (Ah), Feels like insomnia ah ah
­
Ah, i just can't go to sleep
Cause it feels like I've fallen for you
It's getting way too deep
And i know that it's love because
­
I can't sleep til you're next to me
No i can't live without you no more (without you no more)
Oh i stay up til you're next to me (to me)
Til this house feels like it did before
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah
­
Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah

Feels like insomnia ah ah, Feels like insomnia ah ah


Addicted to this song (:

Time heals all wounds
I hope that the time that past by
wouldn't be wasted or lost
I'm currently at krislan

Playing L4D
I ain heartless
even if i do there is for a purpose
I really wanted life to be like this now
carefree

Watch "The little fairy"
learnt more things there

I don't LOVE YOU = I Love you
Love until to the extend that you don't love

If you love someone
i always believe that we don't have to be together
i always believe like that
yeah people would say that i selfish
what about me
when i really love that person that time
who was there to be there for me
who was there when i shed count-less of tears
at least i would be there may it be angry or sad
maybe not physically
but mentally i'm there
i'm always there
just a message
just a phone call
you can easily reach me

So i will strongly believe what i always believe in
love doesn't have to show
love doesn't have to be together
i don't mind being selfish
i don't mind how people see me
i don't mind being hate
This is me and just me

Through those years i have learnt to love myself
i can't stop people from following my footsteps
neither i will stop them now
maybe through experience they will then learnt the real experience themselves
go through the pain that i have gone through
i have gone through worst pain people have

maybe not the worst that happened in some other people life
i'm fountunate
i'm really
so i wouldn't let this come to an end

my blog used to be those..
damn i want to end my fucking life
i want end it all
how shall i end it
eat panadols?
cut?
jump?
tried all that
expect that when i tried to jump people stopped me

but who knows what happened when i was caught
hand full of wounds
all bleeding
who was there to clean
i had to withstand the pain on my own
who was there to visit me in the hospital?

who?
who was there when i use the damn needle to prick open the damn wound
who was there when i was in my room having despression
crying all day and all night long
nobody
nobody was there
even that time my girlfriend wasn't even there

why because i just simply need no one
i believe i'm strong to overcome every damn thing on my own
no matter how pain how hurts
i wouldn't cry
cry is just showing that i'm weak
i don't mind being call an "act"
i just don't want them to see i shed tears..

Someone said this to me
Love is not everything...

yeah it isn't damn
fuck..
i fuck wouldn't go back to the past
I WOULDN'T
but who knows..

These are only some of the photos that i have uploaded during the last day
i need class photos!!

People are contradictory
people are much of a dumbness that blindfold their mind
that couldn't think much bout themselves to sacrifice

But then no body will know much bout how the Aries are thinking
neither Aries with Aries they simply couldn't know
nor neither we will say much
the truth isn't hidden nor it will be surface
much of the fact it isn't for people to find out
cause there is no truth nor any facts

for only things that are unexplained
Do not assume things you do not know
I can think much of the extraordinary things you couldn't

Today is the last day of school, we didn't have any presentation and was damn fun today. Gamble in class (opps) Faci Karen Lee for Enterprise bought us ice creams! but i didn't eat, i come back in class was already 2.30pm after smoke and stuff was way too fun, taking photos and viewing their videos haha.. quite sad that i didn't made it for the class first outing though But it's okay i have quite a lot of fun with this class Gonna part soon though...

Messgae from Tini:

Students of different races
Students with different faces
Yet they share one similarity
They're tied together; friends in unity

Thanks so much for the funny moments
For when I'm lonely,
they're wonderful ailments
Never will I forget these memories

Precious times; precious goodies
This class shall be united forever
In the same boat; having fun together
Now it's time to go different ways

Time to spend our last few days
Laughing at the funny jokes
Recoiling from the harmless pokes
It's so hard to say goodbye
Let's just imagine it's a time to fly

Promise me you'll stay in my heart,
It's so sad when we're apart
Who will give those funny jokes?
Who will lighten our mopes?
Who can make the teacher laugh?
The teacher who is known to be rough?

Who can make field trips so fun?
Who can reduce our boredom to none?
Who will make learning bearable?
I am going to miss you guys
So let's all say, our final goodbyes.

So now is VIDEOS TIME!!

I took out the bandage and saw my leg
it's super swollen really bigger than that day
totally a pig leg
and when i took out the bandage and the wooden plank
i found that i can't walk
even much slower and more force is excerted

the pain is getting much more than usual..

Don't tell me you're sorry when you're not
And baby i know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show, really had me going
now it's time to go, curtain finally closing
That's was quite a show, very entertaining
But's it over now
Go on and take a bow

Oh, the award for the best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech out

I can't stand the sight that the bone is protrouding out
I can't see my leg swollen like one fat pig's leg
I can't stand the pain when i walked
The feeling of burden to people walking with me
I can't stand when i walk the bone keep making me pain

But all in all it's just a fracture leg
and not much...

Under the moonlight i see your shadow
that shore by the lakeside
I can see your face, your eyes and most importantly your smile

through the times and years
people may change and become another..

okay shall not blog about this..
SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK!!
hate my right ankle and left ankle
hate my left wrist
hate my left arm
hate my right 3rd and 4th finger
hate my face
hate my fats

I wanna do tattoo
i wanna love myself
i wanna change myself
i wanna hate myself

Scars that never fade away
It is there for a reason to be there
I never think bout them for much
but it reminds of the past that can never be forgotten

It's my life
It's my growing up process
although it's nothing to be proud
but i'm glad i knew that i did grow up..

Scars only if i were to laser off my scars i would choose my face
and keep those scars on my arms as a symbol of my growth..

okay i was late for school
cause i go see chinese sensei early morning
didn't slept well actually cause my leg was damn pain
Actually i already guess the condition of my damn leg

So as it seems
I fracture my leg!
The sensei press it down and turn !
I nearly shouted!
when he touch it lightly
i also cannot take it

End up he put a wooden plank just like how my wrist was that time
I go check up for my wrist too
cause it just too pain that it haven't heal yet

sick and tired of getting injuries
i walked bloody slow and pain now

I can't walk
I can't take bike practical 7
damn
damn

Expectency of leg fracture
Yesterday at the court,
one patch of bone suddenly pop out
when touch the floor
unusual sensation feeling
like the bare bone was touching the ground

Continue to play
in hope to play with THAT team
but didn't
after that rest a while it got worsen
woke up even more worst
DAMN!!

How am i gonna play ball tomorrow..
I hate to rest
So feel like buying those heavy dumb bell home later

It's not the last farewell ♥

Woke up late..
Morning watched past basketball videos with april -.-
which is so... dots

so bla bla bla went school training ..
actually thought that today can have lots of people go but end up only
me, april and jessica oh
-.- bekah joined us at 838 later..

okay played ball
stepped on someone leg and there goes my ankle

Now my leg is swollen like pig throttle
oh gosh!!
God heal my leg
At first was still can play, can jump
BUT just sucks when i went home..
AIYAH no mood blog already damn tired

HEAL MY LEG!!

How does it feels...
Take a peek into my heart
You will know the pain i have suffered
Watch The L word...
I feel I'm a mix of Shane and Bette
When did i become like that..

People just find it difficult to understand me
I don't want to seek any attention
Why..
Sometimes i just... think too much

Why can't i be simpler a bit
Complicated mind set
damn me, why can't i used it for a better usage

Why people are always so contradicting
Seriously I'm so tired of being fucked up..

When can i go for practical 7 again
I want to pass my TEST!

Every time i trust i was being cheated
liars...

Too much to blog
Happy Birthday Jayven!
Went to Novena ate Steamboat
Was so full then bus-ed down to clark quay
Me, Jayven and Kzai took bungee
LOL was damn fun yet scary im so glad that i do not have heart-problem
The experience was so COOL!!
Just after bungee me, ky, yk, kzai and jayven took EXTREME SWING AGAIN!
Think we're outta the mind -.-
up there was damn scary lah but i loved that feeling
but i also hate the after feeling ..
felt so nauseous after that

Jayven was like counting 1.2.3 oh my god i was so prepared to go down
then guess what!! we're still HANGING UP THERE 10 metre HIGH!!
then suddenly "chek bong" then followed by our screams "AHhHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
hahaha.. was damn stupid hahaha..

After that took Trishaw to boat quay
the trip was damn cool lah!!

Went NOS drank Chivas and beer
then went 7-11 bought another can of tiger
saw ang tat and friends..
ask them if they wanna go NOS drink not

okay cab home .. then stomach ache
then went for practical 7 and FAILED
cause i knock down the bloody cone -.-
and i got 23 points exceed by 5 points GOD DAMN!!

And the instructor was like saying, my following distance was too close
They infront guy was driving so SLOW 40km/hr!!

shall post again later..

I was writting lyrics in school boring day
I.. have lots of unsaid words
lots of different thinking
Lots of...*******

which cannot be turned back
Sometimes i hope
thing just don't turn out this way...

But what has done is done
I just have to move on and grow up

IM F*CKING NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW DAMN F*CK!!

I wanna take part in the songiwrite competition in writing lyrics
New Year is round the corner
Have not even buy new year clothes

Sometimes it really hurts
though i may be seems laughing
inside i really feels like crying

don't know why
tears flow when i was in train

Never wanted people to hate me BUT
seems like .. maybe i do not know

Piss off
i hate that bloody f*cker
that mother bloody f*cker
!@#$%^&*(+*&%#%
hahaha.. who cares just a bunch of dumb fools

Later i'm going training with my cutie juniors (pui*)
=.= f*cktard la i hate ..

拥抱的时候
心情有点痛
也许提早感受到寂寞

离开的时候
只听见沉默
除了沉默我还能怎么做选择

别对我抱歉
别总觉得对我亏欠
现在她在你的身边
就对她好一点

不要再让你们的爱败给了时间

既然遇见了永远
就不要说再见

不要再让你们的爱输给了永远
我们曾经过那么多考验
最后还是回到了原点

总有那一天
相遇的瞬间
决定那些冷漠的从前已走远

对别我抱歉
别总觉得对我亏欠
现在谁在你的身边
就对谁好一点

我应该就走开就算感情还在

我应该就放开对他不再依赖

忘了曾有过的片段

只是属于你们的未来

不要看到你们的爱
败给了时间
我宁愿选择别离
没有一句怨言

直到你们若无其事聊起了从前
我才发现彼此都了解
默契是最宝贵的语言

Sometimes no matter how i smile
how happy i am, just i felt
something isn't right
something is just missing

Why would people always regrets after things are done
regrets after things have already happen
then end up saying sorry
if in the first place
people can think and stop doing wouldn't it be good

This paragraph above may appear in lots of places
but nonetheless it's true

I felt sad sometimes though
sometimes i just failed to understand what am i doing at times

sigh
things things things
how i know some alien language and speak out the unspeakable
to type out the things that deep in my heart wanna say

hmm.. so day was.. sigh

一公升的眼泪
I watch finish that show in 2 days superb me (:
even someone as heartless as me also will tear OMG
damn i was like telling my classmate (I WON'T CRY)
opps.. =/

Now watching Tsubasa
watch a few series then i'm off to bed i'm super tired
**Thursday 15/01 HELLO peeps anybody wanna go naval base basketball training together?!
2004 batch C'girls if any shit people of you came to visit my blog XD

Aya was so kelian!
despite with that sickness
she cried amost everyday
but yet in the end she never gave up to her sickness
damn..
how can she have this kind of disease
but see her determination
super strong
makes me wanna learn from her
i need to become stronger

Sigh

Sigh .. when ever i tried to make people laugh end up ..
fine..

Later i'm going back naval base hahaha see my kawaii junior i guess
-.- scarly all very scary

HAHAHA
wore my new "ahem" today
RENOMA
actually wanna get Levi's but .. *&@*^#!&*(#^ (censored)

don't know why so tired nowadays

Really a bad start for me this year
guess i just have to strive harder to achieve
i'm gonna make myself overload
sigh*

job-less (",)
anyone have any job please intro me haha

seems that i'm so useless huh
always let people to feel so insecure
guess i can't give them happiness

everyone seems want to get out of my life (:
I'm meant to be lonely
I'm forcing my tears not to flow
but guess when i'm alone it just fell

after blogging have to study for tomorrow UT
guess i can't sleep
i'm not in a good mood

seriously why people can't understand me
can't understand the way i care and concern just different

I tolerated things they never ever knew they have hurt me
My way: Treat as nothing happen and talk
cause i think it's okay already so no point talk about it and quarrel anymore

Why always think i'm such a fucked up person
i learn to become more honest
but sometimes honesty isn't the best policy
hahahahha

tell me what am i gonna do?

guess...i have to do it..
anyway today end up went safra played initial D
won 3 people straight in a row
hahaha the "jump grass" i also win (:
but guess what my legs ARE SHAKING!!

phew* lucky i won them (:

Fine..i don't need people to know me anymore
if you don't know me forget it
Guess i'm just too soft-hearted
but i gotta learn

小宇 - 终于说出口
你终于说出口
其实你早就已经不爱我
为什么要低着头
你知道这玩笑骗不倒我
可是这不是玩笑
是要逃避你离开我的理由

我还能做什么
你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你
难道这还不够

我还要做什么
你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看着我
一心想离开我

我终于也说出口
其实很爱你
但从没认真说过

或许是我的错
多在乎你却只放在心中（Yeah）
不要问我为什么
因为爱你这就是我的理由

我还能做什么
你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你难道这还不够


我还要做什么
你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看着我

没什么需要被原谅我笑得有些牵强
你知道我总是能够假装不难过Oh
不想看你那么累
多希望再给我机会
颤抖着我的手握住的只是风

我还能做什么
你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你难道这还不够
我还要做什么
你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看着我
一心想离开我oh no no...

I don't know really don't know...
Sometimes i may smile inside i ain smiling yet who really knows when i feel like crying
sucks everything sucks
start of the year and tomorrow school reopen soon
I thought i could have a good start but no

Things aren't moving the way i want
It doesn't...

I'm not emotional
just that don't know...seems i just can't be friends
can't be a good lover nor anything

i'm more suited alone
rather
i felt more relax, relieve with jessica they all
no quarrels bla

somehow i just do not know what i want anymore

Neither do i want to fight

Maybe i'll be back on court this year

learning back MuayThai

be more preoccupied by things (:

Find a decend job earn some pocket money at least to buy things i want
I don't want to care how you peeps looked at me
At least i know this is my own life
people whom hate me, continue
don't give a damn i don't care much anymore

i have to give up my drinking life and back to normal
get good grades like how i do in semester 1

I have become stronger
for my tears don't fall off easily
i will not shed a single tear
not for anything .. at least
people that i cared
if you take my words for granted
its okay...

I'm stubborn
if i wanted to...
i can be heartless if i'm angry
once i cooled down i'm back to normal
people just don't understand when i angry i will say anything even the most hurtfull words
this is me..
no matter how poor thing you were
when im angry no matter what, i will never ever give in
till the stage when i realise me myself have gotta overboard
this is me..
after that i will not easily talk but you will realise i care in a different way
...SCOLD and GET angry but not that angry already
at this stage maybe i will get you things maybe food
shows i care but i won't say
i will neither laugh and will continue have that fucked up super ultra dao face
this is what i realise
that's why i'm hard to be with
HAHHAHA...it's okay i think now
i don't think many people accept my behaviour
for i inherited from my dad
this is his method
i just behaved the same like him
WHY SIA!!
why can't be more like my mom
hahaha..
my mom is more "soft-hearted" as compared to my dad.. though my dad does
BUT HIS IS AFTER QUARREL =.=
after quarrel he super soft hearted just like me =.=
but my mom if quarrel she can be damn heart harded which is so sad for me sometimes..

I don't know feels i'm getting older
and
I ain have a good r/s always
maybe i shouldn't have
i have NO RIGHTS to love
but to hurt people
do they know actually how i feel
sigh ..

so sad makes me don't want love anyone
they should have their ...happiness on others not me
guess they do (:

sigh* vex i'm more vex

countdown yesterday at the Esplanade
Was super crowded
manage to squeeze past those bangaladesh people

went inside where nearby the stage
played sparkles with them
we missed the fireworks
cause we were late

half way through
a bunch of balloons flew up into the dark skye immense into the light
haha..nothing special
i glare at the colourful balloons as the flew up, point fingers at it as they went higher
curious passerby followed me and looked up!
actually i'm not trying to say how beautiful the balloon was
just wanna say why people are so dumb in fact

met yt and kzai outside Harry's bar
kzai hugged me and told me... @#$%^&*

played ..was fun
we walked a lot though
they ate candy floss and i treat them one too
kids ahh
hate it i liked it too
just that i can't eat (secret)
so treating them see them eat
means i'm treating myself HAHAHHAA

we played masking tape to tied our hands bla bla bla

actually wanted to go up New Asia bar
which is located at Swiss Hotel 71 floor!!
damn we took the lift
at first reach 39
YOU KNOW IT TAKES HOW LONG ONLY?
like 5 seconds to reach !!

My ears was stuck and we continue our next stop 56 floor
OMG
i feel like fainting already
i headache like nuts
then last stop 66 floor
BTH!! i nearly can't take it

Walked all the way from Esplanade to Raffles Link then to boat quay
but today never went in pub
drank outside beside mac
then jayven met us up! (:

okay finally 7 and me?!
i'm so save money today I TOOK BUS HOME!!
went khatib mac ate my SME (:

Sometimes i just felt my life
my fate
what TSYDCB said bout my eyelid grr
just so damn angry bout it

why a simple thing i can think more then people
why can't i just used on designing LOL
maybe it's not the time
I NEED TO KAI QIAO!!

well i need a new job soon
think i will out of job soon =.=

Sigh..
i just can't sleep
why can't i sleep
maybe as kzai said
Guinness is my coffee
makes me so awake
okay back to my

( Er Zuo Ju 2 Wen !! )