Tons of things i wanna say
tons of things i never say
kept in the heart,
no ones knows how im feeling

People would just say
say say and say
without knowing how i really felt
im just so sick and tired being say

what can i do but to keep quiet?

I can't say
I can't show
I can't do anything
but to accept the fact
while i jolly well knew

I'm also not as strong as people see i am
i'm not
but i have to
i have to be strong
to act one strong
to hold back each and every drop of tears that fell

Simply i detest to fall in love
cause each and everytime never fail to cry
to hurt
the pain
i thought love should be happy
but not each and everytime
that's why i always say never to love someone (:

The heart cant be control
i can't control everything in life
only to suspress
and shut the fuck up!

Each and everytime i can tell people
what you lost,
you have to stand up and take back what you lost
with your own hands and you can do it
each and everytime i have to put all these positive thoughts in my mind my heart
so that i would not back track and fell

but each and everytime i just fall
fall hard

i remember when i love
i trust
yet what i get is being betray by love

people say i'm stupid
yes i'm
very stupid
that's why i harded my heart
that's why i kept quiet

Many a times people say PENGZ FLIRT!
damn !!
have they seen how much i love someone and being hurt?
how much i love that someone and cry?
know how much i wanted to do YET CAN'T?!
the never ending tears i shed?
end up also can only hide!

My life i jolly well know what type of person am i
so i stop and shut up

Who is well to judge me?
who knows me real well
who can i trust?
i'm just so scare to trust
and im fucking stupid to always trust everyone and being backstab

Many a times i wanted to cut
but i refrain myself from doing
WHY!
childish!
because i won't and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE TO LOOKED AT MY SCARS AND ASK
WHY THE HELL I CUT!
AND THINK BACK BOUT THE PAST!
I FUCKING HATE THE PAST
I KNOW I USED TO BE STUPID!
DAMN FUCK UP!

WHY CAN I ONLY CRY TO MYSELF!

WHY i do not want ANYONE TO KNOW ABOUT ME!
I JUST WANNA LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THAT!
My retribution?!

How much have i done
why is not others got it?
why me

why people that hurt me never ever got their retribution

Guess im fine after blogging
anyway val bike and back to normal but not that fast YET
can speed 120km/hr

sometimes i just hope that a car can bang me and let me be in coma
till i forget those i love or those whom love me
i don't need memories
for they are there to fade for us to move on!

i wanna forget everything

familiar?
this is what i said in secondary 2
and that's what happen after that
but say is say
i won't do it anymore
to hurt myself

i can hurt myself provided i know no one cares
but i just can't bare to
cause i know at least i have a mom who cares although she didn't say

i want to die
but i can't leave them alone

i have lots to think
both positive and negative
im in a dilemma!
im fucked up

i work hard to forget everything
i pretend i never hear
i pretend i never saw
i pretend that i never know

oh girl, i cry cry you're my all say goodbye
can i sing this?

i know peeps do not love me
i know deep in my heart
im just a passer by!

IM JUST SOMEONE WHOM PASS BY !!

I never deserve the love

people do not love me i know and i jolly well fucking know

(:

can i pretend?
can i hide

im so mask by love
mask by hatred
mask by fucking me and myself!

FUCKING HELL!!
JUST WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING!

im positive
YET!!
DAMN!
DAMNIT!
FUCK DAMN IT!

sigh
tomorrow i will be alright

hiding too many things just stress me up!

sometimes i need someone to be there
YET I DO NOT WANT TO
why am i still so weird?!

maybe peeps are happier at the other end
never ever happy with me (:
im just still so fucktard