I'm lost
searching for my soul

What am i finding exactly?

I don't know
suddenly my fire is gone
I don't know what i yearn for anymore

...
nothing

I don't yearn for anything

Maybe too much suppressing

I suppress each and every feeling

I'm to my max soon
again
maybe
nowadays i become weaker

Suppress isn't good
but neither i wanna to say it or show it

Maybe is the pain i suffered

Made me just wanna the alter ego of me
Alter ego

completely different from who am i
maintaining someone isn't you

isn't simple

but why do i feel so complicated?
when something is just so simple.
For example
i just have to say out

No means no

As in what i'm feeling now
what im suppressing is my feeling

simple don't think

yes i don't think
but sometimes simply cant helped it

especially when you're alone

like..now

anticipating
waiting
hoping
searching
yearning
wanting
wishing

I suppress the feeling i have
because i don't want that feeling to overtake me
and i would end up hurting like i did once
for me i will never show
even though i show it's never complete
i will hide
as much as possible
i won't say i love you
unless
i mean it
i won't because i don't wanna show
sometimes it's obvious
so i tend to find others ways to hide
hide away from my emotions
emotions are redundant
i don't need and neither i want it
worst when it overpowered me and i felt weak being controlled by my own emotions

simple

"I cant love you, I don't want to love you but i love you"
Simple sentence yet complicated

Just a sentence
nothing much
aww

i'm so busy that i seldom blog